i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
