Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
