Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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