that's an acceptable place to lick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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