im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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