You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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