Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How external is "for external use only"?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
