Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
