Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
