Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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