I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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