she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
