she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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