We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
