I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
