When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
