Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
