I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
