I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
