I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO