I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.