we have officially lost it.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.