Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction