This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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