What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
