I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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