i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We got so high we made milksteak
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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