What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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