he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
