Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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