At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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