He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
