We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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