You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
