That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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