You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
