your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
