Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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