I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a search helicopter?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
