She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
