oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
