I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize