I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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