It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize