you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
