Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
