Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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