My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
