is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
