Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
