I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
