Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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