Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
