Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
