At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
