Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
