pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
