Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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