the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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