im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
