A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
