Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
