She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
