I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
