Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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