So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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